Weight Loss Journals - petecohen.tv

First chance to blog since God knows when - though I still enjoy reading everyone elses!
Still doing the daily trips to the hospital, Dad still holding on, but hard every time I see him not to lose heart. It's definitely one day at a time at the moment.
Had a surprising invitation from a couple of girls at work. They've started running together early on a Sunday morning, and curiously enough, their route takes them over my old stomping ground when I used to run seriously (ten years and five stone ago!)
I wasn't going to go, for a number of reasons: firstly, I coach a karate class on Sunday mornings, then train for an hour afterwards
Secondly, one of the girls is lovely, and knows where I'm coming from, having lost 6 stone since the birth of her third child! The other, I suspect, invited me because she thought I'd be so bad that I would make her look brilliant (I know that sounds bitchy, but she has insecurity issues, and tends to build herself up by pulling everyone else down)
But I was feeling so stressed and uptight. The thought of being outside in the sunshine, doing what used to come so naturally won me over - besides which, they went early enough that I would have time to get back, shower, change, and still go training afterwards.
I really enjoyed the run. Knowing that I was being used as the "fat friend" spurred me on, and I pushed myself more than I would have done in different circumstances. Not giving her the chance to be patronising was great for my peace of mind. I feel a couple of sneaky training sessions coming on (time and commitments permitting)
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what drove me, it was still great just to get out there, leave my stress issues behind for an hour, and just do it!
(I may pay for it tomorrow, but what the hell!!)

I have been following the programme for a week now, after a long break. It's not going well, which has more to do with my circumstances than anything else.
Dad is still in hospital, but it isn't looking good. We're now into the fourth week of bouncing between the hospital, my mothers, my home, and work. To be honest, I'm on my knees.
On the plus side, I don't get a great deal of time to eat. On the minus side, I can't get out and train as often as I would like.
I'm doing silly things like parking in the town and walking to the hospital, and going up and down the stairs rather than wait for a lift (he's on the 3rd floor).
I'd like to do more, but things are what they are. I will make up for lost time whenever I can.
It's a little hard to keep my chin up, but reading positive blogs on this site is always good (even when I don't have time to participate fully)
Nevertheless, I'd like to share a message a good friend sent me.
"Life may not be the party we had hoped for, but while we are here we should dance!"

This feels like deja vu.
When I started this programme in January, dad had been taken to hospital and I felt as if the timing could have been better - I was trying to concentrate on achieving something for myself, but other demands were making it complicated.
So I resolved not to let life ambush me this time around, and guess what? He's back in hospital, and I'm running around like a headless chicken, with barely a moment to draw breath.
I have two choices. Give up before I get started, or accept that life is always going to get complicated. The trick will be learning to work around it.
Well I'm still here.
I thought about the reasons behind my former lack of success. The will is certainly there, and the knowledge of food, nutrition, and exercise is pretty good too. What lets me down is organisation. It is too easy to grab a slice of toast on the way out of the door than to make time for a proper breakfast. It is easier to by a pre-packed calorie laden sandwich at lunch time than to prepare a proper salad, or something with less calories, but better quality food. So this time around I am going to concentrate on preparation, heading problems off at the pass, having proper, balanced meals ready for those times when time is of the essence. I need to get it right, if only to give me the energy to keep going!
Wish me luck!!

Haven't blogged for 2 months, and gave up on the programme 6 weeks ago. I liked reading everyone elses entries, and the positive mood was really good - but the bottom line was that the whole point in doing this was to lose weight. And in spite of my best efforts (and on the whole, hand on heart, they were pretty damn good!) I haven't lost a single ounce in weight in 4 and a half months!
I may have toned up just a little, and lost a couple of millimetres here and there, but nothing noticeable. I just don't know what else I can do (short of amputating a limb with a chainsaw.)
I wasn't going to play anymore - but I got the email about the six week challenge. So it's going to be my last do or die effort. I shall spent the coming week going through all the resources on the site, ready to start again on the 15th. Wish me luck ( I think I'm going to need it!)

After an induction session last night, it was my first day training at my new gym. Can't believe how keen I was to get going - I really feel like my bounce is coming back.
If I'm honest, it's been a real effort since I started this programme - the spirit has always been willing, but a complicated lifestyle and a couple of health issues have made it less than straightforward.
I don't know what has happened this week, but suddenly it all seems to be coming together. My moods aren't going up and down like a yoyo, I've had a particularly stressful day at work, but for the first time in - I don't know how long! - I've been able to let it all go and just focus on my training.
The plan was to ease in gently: warm up, then 15 mins each on treadmill, cross trainer, and rower, with a few weights thrown in at the end, just for fun (alternating upper body one day, legs the next.)
In my head I was just going to walk on the treadmill - but when I got there I decided on 2 minutes walk, 2 minutes jog for as long as I could, dropping to 1 minute jogs and 2 minute walks if I started to struggle.
Well I surprised myself by sticking to the 2x2 intervals all the way through, without any problem. I shall do it again next time, and if it wasn't a fluke I'll either increase by 5 minutes, or go to 2 minute jogs and one and a half minute walks. It's going to take a few sessions to work out which way I want to go with it, but I'm really looking forward to the challenge!

I was on such a high on Saturday, tired but relaxed and content.
4am Sunday morning the police knocked at the door - someone had smashed the back window of my son's car and broken in. Nothing to do but go outside and make a temporary repair (he was staying at a friends that night!)
Good job they weren't the fashion police, or I'd have got myself arrested! Flip flops and fleecy pyjamas are so last year, don't you think??
I was ok about it, but woke early and decided to go for a walk/jog before training.
Coached for an hour, then trained for an hour.
The hypo caught me unawares. Blood sugar had been quite stable of late, but it dropped without much of a warning. I surprised myself by stepping out and dealing with it BEFORE i got into my "bear with a sore bum" personality, or hit the floor with my face.
It wasn't fun, and I felt rough for the rest of the day. Wasn't great this morning, and my head and body had an argument. The head said I needed a couple of cups of strong coffee and an aspirin to get my eyes open. My body said I needed a glass of fruitjuice, some oat cereal, and a banana.
Guess what? The body won! And by lunchtime I could feel myself getting back to normal.
Ok, so it was a bit of a disaster, but I found myself looking for the positive in it, rather than focusing on the negative.
It's no good complaining that I have this difficulty to deal with - I've had it since I was 16, I should be used to it by now! I can beat myself up for perhaps not monitoring it as well as I could, or I can accept that this can happen from time to time, learn from the mistake - and give myself a little credit for taking positive steps to control the outcome before it got out of hand. I feel so much calmer than I have when it has kicked out on me in the past, and that in itself is going to help me manage things in the future.
They say that hope springs from adversity, so here's hoping that tomorrow will be a brighter day, and that I can meet it with a smile!

Just got back from the Vitality Show, feeling tired but energised (if that makes any sense at all). Given that my sister and I are both carers for our elderly parents, it's a bit of a logistical nightmare to have a day off together at the weekend - I think the last time we managed it as last year's show!
I'm not very good at being "girlie", but had a massage, my eyebrows shaped, and make up done by someone who knows how to do it properly - and I have to admit I feel good!
Said hello to Pete (Hi Pete!). I wasn't going to, too shy and all that, but I got talking to one of the ladies on the stand and she brought him in on the conversation.
Stayed for the talk - very entertaining!
Now I'm charged and ready to get going again. I have an induction booked for my new gym on Wednesday, and I'm seriously thinking about re starting the programme again on day 1 at the same time. I've been doing the step 4 thing for a little while, but I rather like the structure of the 21 day programme - when you have the memory of a goldfish it's good to keep reminding yourself of the things that will help me get my body to where I want it to be.
(And by the way, the chocolate fountain wasn't next to Weightwatchers this year, it was next to Rosemary Conley - Weightwatchers had the stand selling hot sausages in rolls next to them!)

Had a few days when lethargy seemed to be my main obstacle, but I've found a way round it.
Going to th Vitality Show tomorrow - I'm really hoping to be able to buy some!
Seriously though, I went last year and found it inspirational. Lunatic sister is coming too - she just wants to see if they've put the chocolate fountain next to the weightwatchers stand again (she's easily amused!)
Himself is now panicking about getting into his suit for our daughters wedding in a couple of months. (I thought it was only females that got like that!) He's by no means big, but his waist tends to thicken at the slightest provocation. We had a joint gym membership up until last autumn, but the cost kept rising until we couldn't justify it within our budget.
Well, he's found a little privately owned gym very close to home. It has no trimmings (saunas, pools, etc) but a good working weights and fitness room. The owner is actually a well known powerlifter who used to train at the sportcentre where I used to work some years ago. He's a nice guy who knows his way around a gym, and the whole place had a good, relaxed feeling about it - you don't have to have matching leotards and legwarmers, and you don't have to train in full make up! Best of all. it's less than half the price of our previous place, and is going to cost less than a couple of cappuccinos a week to attend.
Given that I've kept to my new years resolution and stopped buying coffee on my way in to work, I think I can justify the expense!
So suddenly my chin is back up off the floor and I can't wait to get started!

My last blog was anticipating the dress shopping for my daughter's wedding. It was a disaster! You know how something looks so good in the window, but in reality it's totally different?
Well, for a start, it wasn't so much green as GREEEENNNN!!!!!! (a bit brighter than at first glance!) I had my sister with me - who can be relied upon for an honest opinion - whether I want to hear it or not!
I stepped out of the cubicle, and she went "Ah! Grasshopper!! (only funny if you're of an age to remember Kung Fu), and fell about laughing! Now you think I would have been mortified - but all it did was bring back fond memories of our one and only trip to Harrods. I wanted to see the sports department (on the 5th floor) and was disappointed to find it stocked with wax jackets, green wellies, and saddlery. I was about to leave when she asked me (in a very loud voice) if I thought an eggbutt snaffle would be better than a snaffle. Bewildered I stred at her, aware that the assistant was edging closer. She babbled on until he was within striking distance, and poised for the "can I help you madam?" pounce.
She stared straight at me and said "It will be a wiaste of time anyway"
"Why/" I said, my confusion clear for all to see.
"I'd never get the B****ing horse up the escalator!" she says, flouncing off and leaving me with a disbelieving salesman, who half believed she was serious!
The point of this story?
Ok, so the shopping didn't go well - but it's not the end of the world! There was a time when I'd have got totally upset over it, but you have to pick your battles, and there are worse things to worry about at this point in time (or any other, come to think of it) than whether a dress looks right or not.
Apart from which, there was nothing wrong with the dress - it's the body inside it that is the problem. I can cry and get upset - or I can do something about it!!

I've had songs in my head all day - it's evilpixie's fault! It started with "I feel good!" and when the day got complicated and I felt under pressure, it switched to "Search for the hero inside yourself". I searched, but I'm not sure I found her - but at least I held my own, and didn't crumble completely.
It's about the dress. My daughter is getting married in a couple of months, and I need a dress. A proper one. Saw a beautiful one in the window of Monsoon. It's green, floaty, and beautifully elegant. Trouble is, I suspect that when I put it on I'll look like a wheely bin wrapped in a net curtain, so I'm afraid to try.
I told myself I didn't have time - it's a bit of a rush in a lunch break - but actually, I lost my nerve.
I've decided to face my fear. I'm going to the shop first thing on Saturday, before it gets busy, and try the damn thing on. I'll leave myself in the lap of the Gods. If they don't have it in my size, then it wasn't meant to be.
My sister is coming with me. If it looks hideous, the secret code phrase is "What day do the bin men come?"
One more thing. I don't do hats. Regardless of style, I look like Paddington Bear in a hat.
I know none of this bears any direct relevance to the programme, and to anyone else it would read like utter drivel. But I'm sure some of you guys know exactly what I mean!
Have a great day all of you - if mine turns into a disaster I'll need some cheerful blogs to keep my spirits up!

It's been a tough week. Physically I've been struggling with silly ailments - cold becomes chest infection, becomes ear infection, etc etc, leaving me drained and totally lacking in drive or energy. These are the times I could easily give up. I just have to remind myself that it's temporary: so I feel a little off: it will pass - and fortunately it did. Crazy week at work (no change there!) and working Saturday too. But Sunday was so glorious! Coached then trained in the morning (always good for body AND soul!) and still enjoying the "buzz" enough to drag himself out for a walk. Very tired in the evening. Walked again tonight, with friend and her loopy chocolate labrador. My body definitely feels better when I get it outside and moving! Feel as if I've turned a corner, and though I may not be 100 per cent, I'm definitely feeling more like the "self" I want to be - Listened to the coaching video, and I have to agree with the theory that your mind dictates the person you chose to be. I can be a person who isn't feeling great, and hibernate for another month, feeling sorry for myself, or I can be the person taking steps towards a speedy recovery, and enjoy each day that I manage to achieve a little more. And I can smile!

Had what I'd call a sluggish weekend. No drive, no energy. I'm struggling with a heavy cold, which accounts for some of it - trying to increase the amount of fresh fruit and veg in my diet. May start taking echinacea for a few weeks, just to help my immune system recover. It's only a month since I had a run in with 'flu. Not sure whether to take vitamin supplements - it's always a debatable point, isn't it? If the diet is varied enough I shouldn't need them, but I just feel I need a bit of a lift.
Emotionally I'm a bit flat too, so I started thinking about incentives. I'm going to book a couple of tickets for the Vitality Exhibition at the end of the month (I'm hoping I'll be able to buy some !) It's a good source of inspiration, if my nerves can stand the crowds - I can get a bit claustrophobic if I feel "penned in", but I don't remember it being too bad last year.
Had a good long walk tonight - that always helps. I need to focus on drinking more water (I often neglect that one) and I may try Zeniths tactic of not eating after 8pm. Late night snacking can be one of my downfalls. Other than that, I just need to find some more energy. Coaching tomorrow for an hour, then training for 90 minutes afterwards - it'll either kill or cure me - but if I die, it will be with a smile on my face!

Odd day yesterday. Stressed to the eyebrows for assorted reasons, and my two best friends (one bipolar, the other clinically depressed) were having a bad day too. Solution? We all adjourned to the pub!
Now previously this would have been the recipe for an alcoholic disaster (or at the very least, a suicide pact). The end result was rather different - mascara all down my face maybe, but a face that still hurts from laughing too much.
It's a funny thing - left to my own devices it's all too easy to wallow in my own misery, but when I'm with someone else who's having a bad time, I forget about me, and spend my energies trying to cheer her up. The funny thing is, she does the same thing with me - the end result - an awful lot of laughter and very few tears. (A bit like the blogs on this site - the best and most uplifting ones are all directed towards anyone who is having a hard time)
For the record, I had one glass of wine, with soda, which I sipped slowly. Then I changed to grapefruit juice with tonic water - which I enjoyed far more.
We are now in the process of writing a book about the perils of approaching 50 (from assorted directions!)
The working title is "Hormonally Challenged, Handle With Care" and there is going to be a whole chapter calling for the abolition of gravity!
Eating habits are reasonably controlled, still need to drink more water, and I have to find some more time in my day to step up the exercise. As a couple of blogs have mentioned, the evenings are drawing out, and the clocks go forward soon. Extra daylight is always more encouraging, isn't it? But I can't wait until then, I need to do it NOW. (I can always go up another gear when we reach the extra daylight hour!)

Having an odd day. It;s a day off, so I'm out of my usual routine. Busy weekend, so I've been catching up on"stuff" (washing, ironing, etc) you know, the fun stuff without which my life would be meaningless!
Promised myself a sit down with a coffee mid -morning. There's some programme on one of the obscure channels that my sister keeps raving about - it's all about dimensions of mother/daughter/granddaughter relationships, and she says it always makes her think of my mother and I. Not sure whether that is good or bad!
I found the channel, a few minutes early, and settled down with my coffee. The tail end of something else was on, and I found myself watching a scene with a woman who had been terrorised by a stalker, and some guy in a uniform had managed to get her into a boxing ring, and was trying to get her to vent her fear and anger by taking a swing at him.
It clearly touched a raw nerve, and brought back emotions that I thought I'd buried an awful lot of years ago, because next thing I knew I was bawling my eyes out! Over some silly American soap opera!
Years ago my response to that would have been to get my trainers on and run as fast and hard as I could until I couldn't breathe any more. In later years, I took to burying the fear under doughnuts.
I had a choice. Trainers, or doughnuts?
Just wanted to let you know that I went for the trainers. Didn't run particularly hard, or far, but I ran. I got outside, felt the wind on my face, let the tension go, and just ran.
Still not quite settled, so I thought I'd log on and read some cheerful blogs.
What was the "lesson for today?" - Relaxation! Spooky or what??
I've never really got on with the relaxation mp3, but maybe it's time I gave it another go. Alternatively, I'm training tonight, and if I'm really lucky, there could be punchbags!
Have a good day
(I'm smiling now, honest!)

This is unusual for me - I'm reading this in the morning! It's usually late evening before I get any time to myself, but I have a day off, so I'm listening to todays message, and setting myself up for the day.
The sun is shining (almost), I can go for a long walk in daylight, I feel relaxed, positive, and Aerosmith has just come on the radio (Don't want to miss a thing).
I hate to admit it, but I might just have to join in on the chorus!
Going to have a look on ebay or amazon, I fancy getting a "step " exercise dvd (if they still do them). I still have my step from when it was fashionable (and some weights (if I want to switch to bodypump).
Family commitments make it hard for me to attend regular classes (other than a couple of karate classes a week - the world would have to stop turning before I miss those! )- but there's nothing to stop me doing stuff indoors.
(It's "Mustang Sally" now - I think someone out there loves me!)