Weight Loss Journals - petecohen.tv

Had a message from Kathryn saying that she is going to start Day 1 on Tuesday, This has been the impetous to get me preparing myself yet again. I feel so annoyed with myself. I was so in the flow last year leading up to my trek in Nepal, and I just let it go afterwards. I knew I needed another challenge but did nothing about it - just lay in bed eating crisps! And now I have reaped my reward, this past couple of months I have been feeling so lethargic and down, one of my friends said that I sounded on the phone like I had ME again - and I have certainly been feeling like that. All self inflicted.

Reading Kathryn's blogs has also rang bells for me as it is now the 2 year anniversary of when my partner left me in a particularly shocking way to me. I have been shocked to find myself focussing on him again and feeling very tempted to contact him.

So pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. All the good stuff I have achieved over this last 2 years cannot be taken away. I have learned loads, achieved loads and it is never too late to sort it.

No more thinking of quick fixes - just slow and sure, I COMMIT TO AT LEAST COMPLETING THIS 21 DAYS.
Today I am going to drink loads of water, Walk for at least an hour, and start using my self hypnosis tapes.

Been struggling now since I got back from Nepal, where oh where did all that energy and focus go? Well no point dwelling on that.
Been studiously avoiding the programme for months now, even though it worked so well for me. The last week I have even been seriously considering going up to the pharmacy and signing up for the Lipotrim programme. Even though I know that the last time I embarked on a liquid diet it all ended so disasterously. Something about my mind that wants to go for the quick fix, for the dramatic results.
So I am starting Day 1 again - Thank you so much for the encouraging comments, they have made all the difference. Thank you so much Katherine and Biker for actively coming looking for me, it has made all the difference.
Wish me luck.
Dean x

So ... here I am again, I think.
Was doing so well last year - my eating was under control .... mostly, I was getting fitter, planning for a 3 week trek in the Himalayas, walking every day going to the gym. Blogging regularly
Nepal was marvellous, I loved the walking
Got back from Nepal and slipped into inertia
So ... 4 months on, my clothes are gtting very tight, I am doing no exercise at all, not even walking up the stairs at work. I am lacking in energy my poor body is feeling very sluggish and I feel crap about myself
Got a couple of lovely messages out of the blue encouraging me, thank you so much Kathryn and Biker,
So now ... I have to think about whether I am really ready to make a change, or whether I am just going to carry on lying about paying my charitable donations to the gym.

Clearly not ready to commit yet. What a drag. I have spent 3 weeks walking between 4 and 7 hours a day, eating 3 meals and nothing else and really not interested in food other than fuel. What a relief and a blessing that was. Get home and right back in it. Fish and chips and scones and butter today, way past full. Need to take a deep breath and get myself back into focus.
I just wonder what all this is about, because I clearly can do it.

Well back again - have just completed a 3 week trip to Delhi Agra and Nepal, including a 10 day trek which should have been a 12 day trek - but that's another story.
Pretty sure that despite only eating 3 meals a day and walking between 3 and 7 hours a day for 10 days, I have not lost any weight! Now how did that happen??
Anyway it was marvellous and I am determined to keep up the exercise now I am back.
Today I am going to focus on eating slowly and mindfully and only eating at designated eating times and only when I am hungry and stopping when I am full.
I noticed that I was not that interested in food other than fuel when I was busy and active. So need to keep that up
Hope everyone is well and happy. Looking forwrad to catching up and also to doing one of Pete's courses
Dean x

.... but I know I will. Been walking, not enough, but glad that this week is about being active so I can up my game.
Would really like to be on the September course but going away for 3 weeks October 10th, so will have to try and catch the next one.
Really feel like the clutter is related to the fat, and today at 9am I have someone coming to help me to declutter.
For some reason very reluctant to blog and read blogs and reply to blogs, yet I know it worked when I did.
Take care everyone - not visible or supportive but am thinking of you all
Dean x

Pretty hard to get started again once you have slipped right out of the game. Not sure where the starting point is exactly.
Had a chaotic time which coincided with not being able to get on line consistently for a while. Now my excuse is that I have had a low grade sore throat etc etc for a week.
Really not able to pull myself together and feel right out of the loop with this blog site now it has been so long.
Not really sure what I am hoping for out of writing this blog, other than just to dip my toes in again.

Ditched my TV on Tuesday and really haven't missed it. Even played the piano one evening. It has stopped me eating quite so much, but still my diet isn't great and I am not walking as much as I would have wanted by this time

Anyway. My plan is to start reading the messages that Pete is sending out, except I have not recieved any for a few days I think. Has the current challenge finished??

Stop blethering and start reading I think
Dean x

Decided that the TV was the root of all evil
Wondered what would happen if I could not watch it
No have the computer back in my room, so I can access it
So here goes
Have really missed all of you and looking forward to getting back on the wagon, back on the exciting journey with all of you.
love Dean xx

Still not going great, little access to computer at the moment so no chance to read or write blogs or read Pete's messages.
Am writing in my paper journal though
Food getting better, gone from 100% awful to about 50% awful.
Did aqau aerobics yesterday, that was an experience I can tell you!
Hope you are all getting on much better than me!
In about 10 days I will have access to the room with the computer again and so will be back on target.
Really really panicking about the Nepal trek now - can't believe I have scuppered (or is it skuppered?) myself like this AGAIN.
Anyway off to Arundel in a minute to buy walking boots from a shop that takes them back if you walk around for a few days and they do not suit you.
Bye lovely travelling companions will be back with you very soon I hope.
love Dean xx

Eating awful since I lost blogged.
Exercise pretty good, but only because we went on long uphill walks
Feel quite demoralised.
But ... reading a CBT book - it talks about behavioural experiments - Pete's white coat. And I think that rather than look at it in terms of deprivation, I am going to look at it in terms of an experiment to see what will happen.
Going to give not watching TV a go for a week, although already it has been on because my daughter had it on.
Also in line with the natural food theme, which has come at just the right time, I have been reading Patrick Holfords, Optimum Nutrition and want to eat more simple stuff, and cut right down on the cheese, bread, butter, sugar.
I want to try and stay with the feelings that come up when I have to eat without TV, stop and think before eating and eat smaller amounts.
Anyway, got to go to work now, so no time to read blogs, I have missed you all and feel quite disconnected, will need to work at it
Take care
Dean xx

For a variety of reasons, had friends staying and couldn't easily access computer. But also because for some reason all has got chaotic again and I have slipped of the path and am lying face down in the mud, unable to see a thing
Actually filling in the feed back form was quite a good for focussing
me.
Going on holiday camping in Dorset for a week on Thursday, so definitely no access.
Intending just focussing on eating slowly - which is not going well for me right now. Drinking loads of water
and ... lots of walking
See you when I get back and hope that you are all doing better than me!
love Dean xx

Horrible day yesterday - not because of the bad things that happened, but because of my response to them
Beloved camper van is going to cost £450 to fix. It has been on and off with another local mechanic for about 2 months, about 6 times he has 'fixed' it and it has been just the same - has been driving me mental. Also I have had to stalk him as he started not taking my phone calls. Sooooooo frustrating. So I took it to another garage. £450 and almost certain it will be ready for me to go on my yearly camping trip with my closest 8 women friends to Dorset . THat's a bit stressful too.
Then came out to take lovely daughter for a driving lesson - then to the gym after - her car was clamped, because the tax had run out on the day she had baught it. My fault I know, because I just didn't look. Her fault but it is her very first car. But the bloody same mechanics fault too as he said blythely that it was taxed and we never even looked. I know IDIOTS! So £100 to get the clamp off, £120 for the tax.
So what did I do - well after we had sorted it - I didn't go to the gym ... and no decent food after breakfast - toast, butter, jam, fish and chips and 4 bars of chocolate later ..... yuk!!!
Oh and jumped up all bright eyed and bushy tailed to go to the gym across the road from my work this morning ...... then remembered I left my trainers at the other gym.

Anyway onwards and upwards, just disappointed that I responded to being thwarted and frustrated etc by not looking after myself.
Although I did start to set up my website for my business.

God I love these daily messages, they seem to resonate with me at a really deep level. That is often my problem, I can do the big push, lose 8 stone, clean the house from top to bottom, climb the Himalayas .... but it is sustainability, it is the dogged practice practice practice that I don't do, I lose impetus. Almost as if I need the adrenalin rush and accolades of the big push, and am unable to sustain it when it is just rhythm and keeping going. So this has come at a good time for me. House cleaned top to bottom over the past week ..... but now I just need to Keep Going and guess what do it again... and again .... and again.
And ..... the decluttering, so proud of myself for the first sweep, but need to keep practicing little tiny daily tasks of decluttering, knowing that it will never be over
And ..... keep praticing the eating slowly, the having smaller meals, the really focussing before I eat on how the meal is going to impact on me.

Yesterday Ok but not fabulous.
Mainly I ate slowly and focussed - still some TV watching, but no huge meals in the process.
8.30 - Breakfast certial and fruit
12 - yesterdays lentils (left half as I realised I was satisfied)
4pm - energy bomb (mushed nuts, fruit) from health food shop and chocolate rice milk - jittery for hours - ginseng and god knows what else.
7pm...... going out, in a rush didn't know what to shove down my gob, no plan
ah ha - white bread in bread bin - had bread butter and peanut butter, ate really slowly and to my intense disappointment pretty horrible, too greasy, not at all nice. (ate one slice anyway- but didn't get another)
then slice of eggy bread - better but not great.
Trouble is that when I am full but unsatisfied I still keep searching
7.30 - choc ice on way to friends house to play cards - I did really really enjoy it and it went very slowly!
10.30 - 2 oat cakes and slice of jarlsberg cheese.
So not dreadful - but DON'T EAT WHAT YOU DON'T REALLY REALLY WANT DEAN.
Didn't get chance to ride on bike
Today - gym again - my arms still really ache.
And still focus on eating very slowly

Its Pete's fault I am doing these mamoth blogs, he is really making me think.
Dean xx

I think its true - got to be kind to yourself, and being kind to yourself also includes discipline, hard work, commitment, sticking with it, feeling discomfort - and working through it, not giving in to every whim that floats through your head.
So yesterday OK,
I had only 3 eating episodes, and that felt fine,
Good food - cereal fruit and soyal milk
made a lentil and vegetable stew with fake chorizo and fennel and spices (I know that doesn't sound great - but it was!) and yoghurt and dates and cashews
At slowly and was really present during those 2 meals
Had a stirfry with veg, noodles and prawns for supper
Went to the gym, very bravely walzed up to one of the young lads and asked him to show me some machines for my bingo wings and stomach.
He made me climb up steps to a contraption I knelt on and then lowered myself down. First one not heavy enough and I cam crashing down and very hard to hoist myself back up again in a room full of young muscly tattood men - but hey I don't care, changed the weight and did it again. Worked harder than usual and feeling it today.
Did a fair amount of cleaning.

What I would like to do better:
- probably ate too much over all, could eat less
- ate too much at supper, had THREE helpings of noodles and no I did not wait 10 minutes inbetween.
- Didn't do any decluttering or work towards setting up my business other than one email despite this being a non working day for me.
- Did watch TV and eat for 2 meals. no problem with lunch because i was also there with lovely daughter and had one helping and then got up and did ironing. But I expect it is the reason that I carried on eating in the evening.

Just read the chapter on happiness in Pete's SYLO book - I am very happy - so much to be grateful for. Would just like to get rid of the ache in my heart that sometimes mysteriously is sitting there when I take time to notice. Strange how it is possible to be really happy and content and still feel that ache???

So today -
only one helping of anything I eat
small portions - I can eat again sooner if I have small portions
left over lentils for lunch
might have a go on Katie's bike if she hasn't taken it to work - have a block about not being fit enough to ride it
Don't watch TV with my evening meal.

Take care and enjoy the sunshine today
love from your travelling companion
Dean xx
PS - finding it hard to get through all the blogs and read let alone reply.

Well yesterday wasn't fantastic in term of the amount and how I ate my food, but much much better than the week before.
I did eat relatively slowly and mindfully all day - could eat slower and will do today.
I started by having smaller portions, but ate at restaurant before I started the group I was running and ate it all, and came home and lovely daughter had cooked vege sausages, mash, cabbage and gravy that I ate.
Had more food than I feel I needed - but at least they were in meal episodes
I did watch Tv when eating my lunch and read a book in the restaurant when eating my supper. However it did not make me eat more as I had very limited time. The danger for me is when I sit down for an unspecified time and eat. Still today I will only eat.

So today -
I will eat even slower - do lots of chewing, put the food down, have a little muse everynow and again. Really focus on the textures the tastes the colours
I will focus on what I want and how it will affect me before I eat
I have already read part of the Tool 1 this morning and the daily message.
I will cut my portions in half - tell myself that if I do that I will be able to eat again sooner!
I will not watch TV or read whilst eating.
Did not go to the gym yesterday before work - so will go today after I take lovely daughter on her driving lesson.
Have a great - no exceptional day -
Dean xxx