Weight Loss Journals - petecohen.tv

Trusting the IT to work.

I felt positive for change when finishing the online session with Pete and the gang tonight. My son was really really surprised that Pete addressed him and spoke about his thumb sucking, "Mummy, how can he see me?". - Thanks Pete.

I had made notes during the session, things that had hit home while Pete was talking. I gave Mum a call to talk about the Vitality Show, she'll come along. So we spoke about he notes I'd made. I had felt so sure in the session that these were things that were important to me. Now Mum is not stranger to petecohen.tv so she understands Pete's ramblings and observations. Since speaking it over with Hubby and Mum, I still don't know what makes me tick. I am glad I have their support and that I can talk about things with them. Hubby isn't too good about talking about feelings and the like and he just said 'I don't know what to say'. Maybe that's not such a bad thing, it's my journey. They both do support me in whichever direction I go so I'm not complaining. They are the two people who know me best.

I have been told in the past I over analyze! Am I a simpler person than I am trying to make myself out to be? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

I acknowledge there is an obsessive or stubborn part to my nature. When I get something in my head I have to follow it through, even if it's to the detriment of something else. I'll go to bed late if I've been researching a purchase online. I can't just walk into a shop and dress myself as I'm too self critical of how a garment fits, so it's a shopping expedition that is miserable trying to find 'the one' top that is right. I go to the mirror morning and night and look for the smallest of spots to pick, and re-pick. WHY DO I DO THIS? I have had fights in the past with my husband of me trying to pick his spots. Shameful really. I get the rebellious part of me, (you may call it the duck but it is ME) nagging about having a bowlful of crunchy nut cornflakes, and another, then a third bowl.

What is my worth on this earth? Why do I deserve to be here? What is my self-worth or value? I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, cousin, friend. But is that all any of us are, the relationships we are to others? I deserve to be healthy and fit because I want to be here for my family. With my daughter still 3 I'm waiting for her to start school so my life becomes more flexible and I can get the job I want. But to be happy I have to make the most of today, tomorrow and the next. Is that where I will find my self worth? In everything that I do? If something is worth doing, it's worth doing well. I am LilOleMe, I'm Mary. (I'm was even Choccyholic as some web logins, I must rename those!)

What human needs do I feel are lacking? Stimulation, I feel trapped in my job. I like attention, feedback and companionship. Hubby's shift pattern makes life complicated around here, but it also makes it flexible in other ways - is my stability need messed up here? It's what our life is and I need to take the rough with the smooth. Should I be self sufficient with my human needs? Rely on myself?

I know I'm on the petecohen.tv before and afters on youtube, and yes, I did a achieve fitter, healthier and slimmer me. I was so proud of doing the 5 and 10 km runs. But I've found again that weight I lost. Yes I can look at my poor choices and get back up and go make some great choices. Pete asked me last week to be a case study, but what's so special about me? My weight loss journey must be the same as thousands of others. Maybe that's it. I've yo-yo-ed. But I'm still here.

What are my achievements while doing petecohen.tv? I now drink water instead of artificial drinks. I'm still here, trying to understand me. All the other achievements haven't become permanent yet. Oh yeh, I'm STILL HERE.

The name LilOleMe came from my desire to be slimmer, something to strive for. It was also a bit of fun as I'm 5' 10" tall and the Playmobil character is sooo small. I knew BigBird wouldn't help matters. The need for anonymity called for a nickname, but I lacked the self confidence to call myself, for example, SexyBabe69 or YummyMummy. OK, I got it. My parents gave me a perfectly good positive name STELLA, it means star. I'll see about changing my login. :o)

Experiencing roaring toothache at the moment. Starting day 1 tomorrow.

I had considered not to blog. But this is probably the best time to do so, so I can record what's going on.

This morning was really nice. Drove to my parent's house, met up with Dad, sister, her partner and my 2 neices. They live a couple of hours drive away and had stayed there overnight. We all walked to town to a lovely cafe for an early brunch, it's not a greasy spoon, all good food. The others had all day breakfasts and the kids had pancakes for novelty value. I chose scrambled eggs on 2 slices granary bread, a sauage and a cooked tomato. I ate it slowly and didn't have extra toast. Did try my daughter's panacake and knew that it wasn't worth it. Drank tea and water. Went to M&S and the town museum with the family walked back to Dad's. TIRED could have slept on the sofa!

Felt full for the rest of the morning and had porridge at 1pm. Thought that this was a good move as had already had the equivalent of lunch. However, I just kinda didn't do much this afternoon. Sister came over with the girls for a playtime before they went home. Drank herb tea. My Mother in Law came to visit too.

Made a healthy fritata for the kids and me while hubby had a nap. I felt I wanted something else to eat but didn't fight hard enough. I wanted something more SUBSTANTIAL than the lovely apple on the shelf. An hour later CRUNCHY NUT CORNFLAKES x2. Ate that ALONE, kids busy playing upstairs.

I felt TRAPPED at home by the rain. I had hoped to get to the supermarket this afternoon. Hubby suggested it wasn't fair dragging the kids out at 5pm so we all stayed home, he went to work for a late shift. LONELY.

The kids asked for sandwiches. I WASN'T HUNGRY, but had half a cheese sandwich and JAM with spread on TOAST x2. Followed by another bowl of CRUNCHY NUT CORNFLAKES. I was feeling defeated. Grabbed the box of CHOCOLATES that I'd got to take to a baby shower. Shared these with the kids.

Overall I don't think I drank enough WATER today. I didn't watch Pete's VIDEO.
I am TIRED. At least I've tided the kitchen already. i'll go to bed to read soon.

I have capitalised the above to try and find why I did this. It's upsetting as this week had been so good. Tomorrow is another day. I'm eating nothing else tonight for sure.

Normal work day. Walked to drop off kids and then onto work. Did well with ignoring the biscuits. Popped to the cafe late afternoon and got a small pack of dried fruit and nuts to sort a hungry spot. Walked and got the kids. Popped to the corner shop for bread, newspaper and snack for the boy - but not me! Walked to get daughter then home. So exhausted. Had cuppa tea with the paper and read internet on news from the Old Bailey (see previous blog entry). So sad for what happend. Daughter made a fruit flan at the childminders, the three of us shared it, it was good. Got the kids in bed without too much fuss. Hubby came home from work with a chinese. I did think about having something else afterwards, but reminded myself I am full.

Sooo tired, I'm off to bed. I'll catch up with reading blogs tomorrow.

Back in May I had terrible news that a friend had been murdered. He was sentenced to life in prison today.

http://www.buryfreepress.co.uk/news/Mary-Griffiths39-killer-jailed-at.5823412.jp

It's shocking and upsetting to read all the details from the court because I knew the murderer too. I had even been at his 40th birthday party with Mary earlier this year. May he rot in hell.

Blogging after a meal out with colleagues. I had beef lasagna with salad, a glass of orange juice and tap water. I asked not to have the coleslaw. Due to peer pressure I did ask for a fruity flapjack putting even though I had a satisfied tummy. However they had run out and I said to the waitress that it was fate and I wouldn't reorder! Infact once their big puddings full of fat and sugar arrived they just looked unapetising. Result! I had more water and noticed I was full.

The day has been really good on the programe, lots of great choices. I can, I will succeed.

Had a great day. Only ate what I took to work. The biscuit tin didn't sing to me at all. Just the one cup of tea today. Eating slowly and only when hungry. Walked to and from work. Kept up with water and fruit tea.

Just the one blip, I was feeling peckish and the kids wound me up at bedtime. I went straight downstairs with a view to eating. I didn't get out of there, I should have found something better to do but was convinced of the hunger. I wanted something more substantial than fruit. I went for custard with banana and ready to eat prunes. I won't act on another sugar high tonight so I'm safe from that. But is it really possible to go 21 days without sugar? No doubt it is, but bloody hard going. Still, I ate the snack conciously and I won't be going back for more.

[With so much credit, I'll probably loose pounds!]


Is it possible to sync your brain with you iPod? It's amazing the number of times I shuffle it and get the perfect song first time. This morning it was Mr E's Beautiful Blues by the Eels, followed by Supersylin' byGroove Armada. Both fantastic stuff.

11.15am I've just finished body pump and had a lovely shower. I am amazed that my porridge with almonds is still keeping me going. I don't yet need the banana in my bag. I'll have it when I've walked home.

Got home and didn't need the banana! Had a glass of water and got on with making lunch. Sautéed courgette, baby tomato and mushroom cooked with light soft cheese and harissa paste. Followed by 3 rivet with houmous.

RESULT of the day was while watching daughter's gym class I DID NOT use the vending machine. After the class we popped to ASDA where they had taste testing. I had the wensleydale cheese and cracker. I DID NOT have the chocolate. I DID NOT buy extra snack things, just the healthy essentials on the list.

Dinner was sausages, mash, veg and gravy. Yum! I ate so slowly the kids had finished their pudding and I was still on my last mouthfuls.

This evening it did cross my mind to have a little extra after my meal, I let it go as long as I could and had 5 mini satsumas and more water. Craving sorted. I think I may be brewing hunger now. I'll just keep myself busy by making tomorrow's lunch and picking up a good book. Hubby has snacked on crisps, cake and a WHOLE block of jelly RAW! (He's one of THOSE people that never put on weight). It hasn't for a change triggered me to snack. I had a banana for supper to sort a hungry tum.

Just one minor minor blip today. Had a 2nd cup-o-tea, I had reached for the wrong tea bag without realising. Doh!

Hubby has been helping with the chores and the kids so it's been a relitively laid back day. Stress had been a binge trigger for me in the past.
I can see that it's a combination of good choices laid upon another that is reinforcing further good choices throughout the day. Long may it last. I have been giving myself credit throughout the day. Tomorrow is my first working day of the week. There are biscuits and a cafe. I will go prepared for a battle of nerves to get through the day without eating when not hungry and staying off the sugar.

I'm with the program 100% - no deviation.

Porridge and raisins for breakfast. Banana snack late morning.

Pork, beans and root veg hot pot for lunch. I didn't even consider the smarties cookies the kids had. Hubby and daughter wern't keen on the meal so I let it bother me, I was glad the boy ate it with pleasure as I had done. After dinner I went for a lay down with Pete, erm with the mp3, feeling too stressy. He did the trick of chilling me out. :D

I've had just the one cup of tea today, when I had been feeling a little stressed, stopped the stress snacking. Been drinking water & fruit tea today only.
Put an apple in my bag for after Body Combat. It was a hard workout. I was famished after so glad of the fruit.

Picked up the kids from being babysat at MIL's, they were tucking into meat pie gravy dinner, hubby had a plateful too. I sat there with my glass of water. They had a gooey sickly chocolate toffee desert with squirty cream. I just kept my nose browsing through the argos book. I knew I was going to have food when we got home so kept myself on the straight and narrow. When I got home I has a small satsuma to keep my going while I was cooking. Evening meal was orange and ginger cashew nut stir fry packed with veggies. Supper was hummus, carrot sticks and celery.

I just had the urge to make all the right choices today. Long may it last. :o)

"It's a new dawn, It's a new day, It's a new life, For me, And I'm feeling good"

OK, I've rejoined the program. I've had a great day 1. My tools today was to drink plenty of water and to reduce sugar and stimulants.

Water intake great. Boy has it made a difference when in the past few weeks when I'd not drunk enough.

For lunch time 'afters' the kids tucked into the halloween goodies that had been rationed so far (unfortunately, I had helped myself on too many evenings). So I said they could go for it and eat what they wanted from the baskets. When they are gone they are gone. It was while they were troughing that I had the cup o' tea. I refused the sweets they didn't like so they went in the bin instead of me. Result.

Dinner was a pork crackling joint with veg and gravy, I also microwaved a chopped eating apple for a sauce. Yum yum. I've rather gotten into this eating meat lark.

It was well worth spending the time to plan the week's meals and do the tesco.com shopping. Allbeit I went to bed too late that night and am suffering from too many late nights (I will go to bed at a sensible time tonight). I knew what I'd be eating today so I didn't have to think about it too much. I'm using Tesco eDiets to help with the meal planning. I've learnt how to use it flexibly so and comfortable using it as a resourse.

I have used the scales in the last couple of weeks and it really hit me how much weight I had put on and that the scales ARE evil. I've not gone back to crazy twice daily weighing. I'd rather stear clear of them totally.

:o)

I've found that I'm not ready to do without the program so I've started another 6 months to learn more about me and food. My goal is to get comfortably back into my size 12s and to feel fitter and healther. My day 1 will be Saturday. I'm doing a week's meal plan and tesco.com order tonight. Watching set up videos tomorrow. Thanks for your help and support Pete. x

I haven't made the time to watch day 2 today. I'm too tired to watch it now. Thought I should blog though to keep in with the program. I've eaten more cake than I needed to today. But I'll not let it trouble me. I walked fast to school and work this morning. I had to work a full day, so hubby picked me up.
I think I'll make the granola at breakfast time. Off to bed at a sensible hour. My goal tomorrow is to be kind to myself and to my health.

So why am I doing this? To learn to be comfortable in my own body, to be more toned, and to eat a balanced diet. To maintain my success and not self saboutage my efforts.

Today's goal will be getting to bed on time and to eat natural foods.

I give myself credit for being here this morning and refocusing my efforts.

Thanks for the excellent online session tonight. Good energy and refocus. Sunday I did the Cancer Research 10km run in under 58 minutes. I did it! My legs have ached for two days! I have a new resolve to take care of myself.

I've been 2 weeks at eating meat and I think I'll stick with it. I haven't blogged much at all in the past 2 months. I'm still listening to my body and seeing a repeating pattern with my eating habits. I've now got a better body image and understand what it's capable of achieving.My running is getting better. Since listening to a Pete podcast on exercise I've adjusted my exercise classes. Body Combat is now once a week, I'm now getting in a bit of Body Balance and Tight Tums Firm Bums. It's a better balance of cardio vascular, stretching and resistance exercising. Of course, I'm still walking often.

I think I'll always yo-you between 11st 7lbs and 12st. This isn't me giving up, but realising that the scales truely are nothing to do with how I feel about my body. It's how my clothes fit that matter. I am responsible for what I put in my mouth and I'll always struggle with the balance. But I'lm getting better at not being emotional with food.