Reviewing 2009
Have been really busy since finishing my last 21 days - I'm planning to start again on 4 January, to get myself back into the swing of things before term starts. But I don't know that I'll get a chance to do this again before we actually hit 2010, so I am taking a look at the things that have happened this year.
On the plus side, I've lost 3 stone, I've become much fitter and healthier and of course thinner. I have another 2 stone to go before I hit my target weight and BMI, but compared to this time last year, I know that this is going to be hard work, but doable. It's the hols now, and what with visiting family and hosting friends, I am not going to be able to put in the full-on aerobics and resistance work that has been essential to getting my weight down, but I really am trying to walk for at least an hour a day and trying to watch the eating - I have not mainlined mince pies or Xmas chocs, for example and am trying not to drink too much as well.
This year, there were some great professional moments - overall, the teaching continues to go well, I finished a masters in educational management and I'm working at discovering more about the school's management and longer-term goals. A story I wrote was broadcast on the BBC and I was commissioned (and paid an advance) to write a novel which I finished about a fortnight ago.
We had some great holidays as well, as a family - a week in Malta and a week in Spain, not to mention a great time over the summer just chilling with family and friends.
This year, I really learned what a hero my husband is - he went from no job at the beginning of the year to a position where he has pretty secure income coming in from three freelance positions, he's set himself up as a private company and he has been incredibly supportive about my own extra projects. And finally, he's stepped up to the plate twice, going to Spain to try and find out what is going on with my mother, who has been experiencing depression and social withdrawal in a big way. So after nearly 20 years together and 15+ years of marriage, my main resolution for 2010 is to make sure he knows he's very much appreciated.
I suppose the big downer this year has been my mother's situation - she makes it very difficult to offer help and support, and I have had to face up to realising that I feel a lot of anger towards her - her life hasn't been easy, but she makes it much more difficult for herself, largely because she is alcoholic but not able to admit to it.We have been trying to encourage her to move to be closer to us, but she is very conflicted about this idea, and keeps cutting herself off. And when she did come and stay with us, afterwards, my husband discovered that not only had she been drinking her own whisky, she had cleaned us out of rum and vodka!
Perhaps I've kept myself busy during 2009 to avoid facing up to this, but then, since it is really clear that she is not ready to face up to her problems, I am not sure that there is anywhere for me to go with this particular issue. She has friends who feel I ought to be doing something about her state - but having flown down to Spain in the summer and taken her to a psychiatrist, I don't know that there is that much more I can do with her around a thousand miles away and determined not to answer the phone or contact me. So for now, I am leaving it up to her to make contact and take the next steps. I have to say that I am not convinced that I want my own children to see too much of her given the way she is increasingly affected by her drinking as she gets older. It's a difficult situation as I am her only child, and I do feel a sense of responsibility towards her. So that is clearly going to be an ongoing saga for 2010. The key thing to remember is that there'll be good stuff going on as well - lovely boys to look after, friends to see, places to go, books to read, music to listen to, walks, great students to teach and weight to be lost!
I am sorry to hear about your mother. It is really difficult when you feel responsible for someone but you reach out and they refuse your help. I had a turning point in a similar situation many years ago when someone close to me took an overdose. I spent time with the person concerned but I realised that if people are unable or unwilling to change, there is only so much I can do. I found that very difficult to come to terms with it.
However the fact that you have had to deal with the stress of your mother makes what you have achieved all the more fantastic as you haven't buried your emotions in food. I look forward to hearing more about what you achieve next year.
well done on your fantastic weightloss, and like others have said you are so lucky to have such a wonderful supportive husband.
Thinking about your mum, as i have spoken about my alcohol addiction openly before I wonder if your mum is reluctant to 'let you in' as she is so ashamed of her distructive and damaging behaviour, and alcohol is such a terrible strong and available drug, its not easy to find the strength to stop, I know with me, even after being the daughter of an alcoholic mother who died from the illness at just 50, and i was at one stage going exacty the same way and would have been lucky to reach 50 too...... its a very crafty, calculating and wicked addiction to have..... its in every corner shop now, its in garages, its everywhere, adverts on the telly all the programs glamourise it, and being both an alcoholic and a foodaholic, you are far more accepted in society if you are 'half cut' all the time, to if you are nearly 28 stone as i was. I know exactly what you are going through honey, you are terrified of losing her, you are terrified of what she is doing to herself, you are powerless to stop her doing it though because THAT has to come from somewhere deep inside HER. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT, ITS NOT HER FAULT EITHER, NO ONE CHOSES TO BE AN ALCOHOLIC..... NO MORE THAN ANYONE CHOSES A BODY THAT DOSNT BURN UP CALORIES THE SAME AS OUR THIN FRIENDS WHO EAT CHOCOLATE AND TAKEAWAYS ALL THE TIME !!!!!
I was one of the fortunate ones, my daughter went to hell and back with my drinking, my deciept, she was the one who was closest to me, and took the brunt as she didnt want to lose me, but she never knew how i was going to be from one day to the next, and i wouldnt answer the phone or talk to her either, i was deeply deeply ashamed, and didnt want to hurt her more than she was hurting, thats why they call i a family disease, as it effects the whole family, there is a group called Al Annon which is for family members of alcohol dependant people, my daughter found it a great help to realise she wasnt alone with these feelings and thoughts, and accepted it wasnt her fault, its obviously more difficult for you as your mum lives so far away honey, but i hope i have helped you just a little bit here. But i will just say this on the subject, untill I decided enough was enough, no one, not god almighty in heaven was going to stop me opening that bottle !!!! And its nothing about not loving your family enough, you read my bloggs, you know i live sleep eat and breath for my family ........ i love them with every part of me.
I hope your mum finds her 'lightbulb' moment, sooner rather than later as so much damage can be done, as you say you dont want your children to see her like that, look what she is so missing out on, and them too of course. I can put you intouch with the therapist who saved me, if you want, just let me know. But he or any other therapist will only work if mum is well and truly ready.
I send you and your lovely family a big hug, and i truly hope 2010 is a better year for you with those worries,
Godbless you all
Sue xxx
It's also great to hear from you. I missed my PCTV family.
Keep blogging and please have listen to my new pod-cast called "Don't Bother With New Years Resolutions"
http://www.weightlossguru.com/index.cfm/2009/12/28...
In the pod-cast I talk about the importance of making a pledge or commitment to being a happier, healthier, slimmer and fitter in 2010. If you are up for it then please leave a comment under the pod-cast.
Many thanks and have a great New Year
Pete
And Pete - I'll be back up and at 'em on the weight loss front next week - looking forward to it! I've lined up a fresh batch of exercise DVDs.
One of the things that has helped is a great cook book called the Kitchen Revolution - it has given me loads of new recipes to try and subtly promotes a really balanced and healthy diet. Plus we have a fantastic new Turkish fruit and veg shop round the corner where you can find pretty much anything you need in the way of unusual fresh food. So am raring to go for those last two stone.
book looks good but all the reviews talk about meat.
The book gives you a weekly menu, and every week there are usually 2-3 meat recipes, 2 fish and 2-3 vegetarian dishes. So I'd say only a third of the book is full on meat recipes. Funny how reviews work!
thanks for telling me x
Did you have a great Christmas and New Year?
Check out some of the great new content on http://www.weightlossguru.com as it might help you and give you some motivation
Take care and stay in touch
Pete